I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
