Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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