i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can't turn off my feet"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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