Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
