She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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