Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize