the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
