so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
