So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
