What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
