Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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