forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
