I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize