I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
