so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
