I accidentally had phone sex last night
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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