Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
