so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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