You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
