peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
