There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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