Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
