Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
