I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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