do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
