i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
