I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
