I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
