I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
