Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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