I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
