We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
