I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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