I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
