I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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