Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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