i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
