I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
