There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
