Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
