got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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