I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My dick has a subreddit
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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