My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
