Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
