you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
