he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm really busy with my period
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