look no pants
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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