I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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