I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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