I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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