I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
