Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
