so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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