Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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