I'm going to jail i love you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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