I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
