saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Bring me that man meat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
