And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize