Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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