This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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