Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
