She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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