Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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