I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
