morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
