youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
