maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
