matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
