Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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