Already got asked if we're dating
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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