The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
