that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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