Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
whose parrot is this?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
