piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
