Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
