Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
