I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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