my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
