We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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