Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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