I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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