the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
