Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
