So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
