no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
