just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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