seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
