Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize