He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
