I hate all girls vehemently.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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