i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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