love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
