Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
