I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
