I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
