"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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