There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
