New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize