Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
