Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
