I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
