Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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