There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
