This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
