Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
