my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
ok first of all what the fuck
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